Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
I clearly remember the day I learned about those two words. I was in Grade 2 and my teacher was Mrs Keyes. The class had a very interesting discussion about the difference between a pessimist and an optimist. I was fascinated and realised that choosing my thoughts could change how I experienced life. Though I had no idea at the time, this was quite possibly my first taste of anything related to personal development, and I’ve been hooked ever since.
I remember being totally convinced that seeing the world as an optimist was the best way to live my life.
Except that somehow that day I got them completely mixed up.
Being a bit of a teacher’s pet, I hung back after class and proudly declared to Mrs Keyes that I had decided to be a ‘Pessimist’ for the rest of my life. I still remember the bemused smile on her face as she hurried me out of the classroom.
It was quite a while until I came across those two words again and it doesn’t really matter that I had mixed them up, because in my head I had decided that life would be much better if I remained hopeful and confident about the future rather than expecting and believing the worst would happen.
This approach to life has served me well and people generally see me as positive and optimistic. And for the most part I am.
But I’m human. And sometimes life sucks. And sometimes it sucker punches you when you least expect it. And sometimes you don’t even know why.
Take yesterday for instance. Nothing unusual about yesterday. A Saturday. I had a much needed lie in after burning the candle at both ends for too many days (okay, maybe weeks!) I did some domestic chores. I ran some errands.
And then all of sudden it hit me. And I felt sad. And lost. And lonely. And overwhelmed. And sorry for myself.
And I cried.
Now crying is not unusual for me; my tears are close to the surface and I cry often – happy tears mostly. Tears of joy at breath taking scenery, at the sight of a new baby, at a fun or clever or heart-warming advertisement (I know, I might seem a bit weird, but I’m an empath - I feel other people’s emotions, even when I know they’re actors!)
But sometimes I cry tears of frustration, anger, sadness, overwhelm, grief, loneliness, disappointment, rejection, tiredness, confusion, hopelessness. I expect I’m not alone.
And sometimes I don’t know what to do or who to turn to or whether to turn to anyone. Sometimes I just need to acknowledge and feel what I’m feeling until I’m ready to let it go.
I am fortunate and grateful that I have techniques to help me through and I know it always passes eventually (maybe it’s my optimism). I also know it doesn’t pass for some people and if that’s you, then I encourage you to talk about it and seek support.
Ultimately we are in charge of the way we feel, and we can make choices about how we address our feelings. I generally allow myself to wallow in my own self pity for a short while, but I know that if I stay there and mope about I’ll attract more of the same feelings. So I have a list of things that I can do when I’m ready to shake myself out of my negativity. I presume you have a list too, and if you don’t then I encourage you to make one. Mine includes:
Go for a walk (ideally in nature)
Phone a friend
Write in my journal
Play with my cat
Make a gratitude list
Listen to a guided meditation
Research a cause and make a donation
Watch funny clips on YouTube
Remind myself of the positive ways I have impacted others
Do some tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique)
Play music and dance
Listen to a podcast or TED talk
Watch mindless TV (not the healthiest choice but sometimes just what’s needed!)
Read a personal development book or an inspirational quote
And finally, I choose to Be More RED!
I have developed The RED Effect over the last couple of years and it has positively impacted my life as well as provided fabulous results for my clients too. It has completely transformed the way I live and led me to being so much more happy, more productive, more confident and more excited about life… all by leaning into who I am and being more me!
I’m now on a mission to help one million women to Be More RED – to (re)connect with the core of who they are and to fully express themselves with confidence. It’s a huge mission, but I believe that women who are happy, authentic and confident in expressing who they are and what they believe will change the world - in small ways and big ways - and we need to support them to make their unique impact on people and the planet.
If you or a woman you know would benefit from Being More RED, click here to find out more about The RED Effect online programme. Imagine finishing the year Realigned, Excited and Determined to make the rest of your life the best years yet!
Mel Sherwood is a Presentation Skills and Personal Impact Speaker and Founder of The RED Effect™. She works with ambitious business leaders, teams and individuals who want to express themselves with confidence, credibility and charisma. An Australian based in Scotland, Mel is an award-winning speaker, author and coach and combines over 25 years’ experience in business with a background as an actor, presenter and singer.